And the Lord set King Bibi over us!

Ami Kaufman By Ami Kaufman December 21, 2011 | Edit

And the Lord set King Bibi over us!

And all the people went to Carmel; and there they sat before Bibi in Carmel; and they sat and waiteth for the ceremony to start, for the windeth rise quickly and the hair on thy heads begin to curleth.

And it came to pass the holy MC Dan Kanner steppeth onto the stage and over-praiseth Bibi on his doings during the Great Fire. “Bibi was the first to graspeth the magnitudieth of the Great Fire”.

And Dan said unto the people “Our leader Bibi hath established with 10 golden coins the first fire-fighting squadron of the Kingdom of David. And the squadron of 10 mules and 10 cows will come to piss on the fires of the Holy Land. Thou shalt feel safe from now on, for thou art in good hooves.”

“And it came to pass that Bibi also tirelessly cared for the relatives of the dead of Carmel, even when Bibi smoketh cigars in Caesarea and plotteth the release of the son of sons Shalit for the reasons of politik”.

Then Dan took a vial of oil, and poured it upon the head of Bibi, and kissed him, and said, “Is it not because the LORD hath anointed thee to be captain over his inheritance?”

And Bibi said to Dan “See ye whom the LORD hath chosen, that there is none like me among all the people!” And Bibi looketh the people in their pupils, and all the people squirmeth in their seats while thinking that instead of Carmel they may have taketh the wrong turn for the Korea of North.

And Bibi came down from the mountain and he smileth from one ear to the other. For the people now knew who was King.

And it came to pass that the Great Nations of the Euro outcast the Israelite nation of Bibi for his status quoeth policies of diplomatith scrotum scratching and the terrors of the tags of prices.

And the Spirit of Acutis Megalomanis came upon Bibi when he heard those tidings, and his anger was kindled greatly.

And Bibi said to his people, “Forget the nations of the Euro, for they are no longer relevant. If they screweth with me once more I shall smite them. Remember the Dimona.”

And the people thinketh for a moment that their King has retired to the land of Berserk.

And it came to pass… and that moment passed.

And the people bowed and prayed, to the piece of sh_t they made.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv0lx4kXFuY[/youtube]

 

Ami Kaufman

Ami Kaufman was chief night editor for Haaretz, for the prominent Israeli financial daily Calcalist, and correspondent on Israeli affairs for 93.6 RAM FM, a joint Palestinian-Israel radio station. His interest in food and cooking led to culinary studies at the "Israeli CIA" (Tadmor, Herzliya) and a brief stint in the restaurant business. Born in Tel Aviv, Ami lives in Bat Yam with his wife and two daughters. In his spare time he blogs at Half & Half.

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