Izzie in HolyLand – Part 17: JAWS!

By Ami Kaufman December 13, 2010 | Edit

Izzie has a hunch the Mossad is up to no good again

Photo: Flickr / Willy Volk

Izzie is quietly munching on a Turkish burekas as she suddenly sees a bizarre link on her Facebook page to a news item from the Egyptian media, claiming the Mossad is behind the latest spate of shark attacks in Sinai.

“Speaking on the public TV program “Egypt Today” yesterday, a specialist introduced as “Captain Mustafa Ismael, a famous diver in Sharm El Sheikh,” said that the sharks involved in the attack are ocean sharks and do not live in Egypt’s waters.

When asked by the anchor how the shark entered Sharm El Sheikh waters, he burst out, “no, who let them in?!”

Urged to elaborate, Ismael said that he recently got a call from an Israeli diver in Eilat telling him that they captured a small shark with a GPS planted in its back, implying that the sharks were monitored to attack in Egypt’s waters only.

“Why would these sharks travel 4000 km and not have any accidents until it entered Sinai?” said Ismael.

Earlier today, General Abdel Fadeel Shosha, the governor of South Sinai, backed Ismael’s theory. In a phone call to the TV program, he said that it is possible that Israeli intelligence, Mossad, is behind the incident and that they are doing it to undermine the Egyptian tourism industry. He added that Egypt needs time to investigate the theory.”

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Izzie: Ruthie!!! Get Mossad chief Meir Dagan in here right away!
Ruthie: Yes mam!

Dagan walks in 5 minutes later

Dagan: Ms. HolyLand, you called?
Izzie: Sit down, Meir. Do you remember the cabinet meeting we had on Sunday?
Dagan: Sure mam.

Flashback to the cabinet meeting a few days earlier

Izzie: Well, guys, looks like we made it. Obama’s ditching the effort to get another settlement freeze. When it comes to the so called “peace process”, it looks likes it’s all downhill from here. In a way, one could say we’re getting very close to “jumping the shark”.
Dagan: I’ll take care of it, mam.
Izzie:…
Dagan:…
Izzie: Excuse me?
Dagan: I got it covered.
Izzie:…
Dagan:
Izzie: OK, I have no clue what you’re talking about, but I guess you know what you’re doing.
Dagan: Consider it done.

Dagan jumps out of his chair and starts making some calls outside

Back to the present meeting with Izzie

Izzie: You do know what “jumping the shark” means, right?
Dagan: Jumping?
Izzie: Shit, Meir.
Dagan: Sorry, I thought you said “dumping”.

(For more Izzie, press here)

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TEST TEST GAL Our team has been devastated by the horrific events of this latest war. The world is reeling from Israel’s unprecedented onslaught on Gaza, inflicting mass devastation and death upon besieged Palestinians, as well as the atrocious attack and kidnappings by Hamas in Israel on October 7. Our hearts are with all the people and communities facing this violence. We are in an extraordinarily dangerous era in Israel-Palestine. The bloodshed has reached extreme levels of brutality and threatens to engulf the entire region. Emboldened settlers in the West Bank, backed by the army, are seizing the opportunity to intensify their attacks on Palestinians. The most far-right government in Israel’s history is ramping up its policing of dissent, using the cover of war to silence Palestinian citizens and left-wing Jews who object to its policies. This escalation has a very clear context, one that +972 has spent the past 14 years covering: Israeli society’s growing racism and militarism, entrenched occupation and apartheid, and a normalized siege on Gaza. We are well positioned to cover this perilous moment – but we need your help to do it. This terrible period will challenge the humanity of all of those working for a better future in this land. Palestinians and Israelis are already organizing and strategizing to put up the fight of their lives. Can we count on your support? +972 Magazine is a leading media voice of this movement, a desperately needed platform where Palestinian and Israeli journalists, activists, and thinkers can report on and analyze what is happening, guided by humanism, equality, and justice. Join us.

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