More pepper spray fun: Testimonials go wild on Amazon.com

Noam Sheizaf By Noam Sheizaf November 23, 2011 | Edit

Photoshop mania wasn’t the only creative response to the “casually pepper-spraying cop” incident: Check out what happened to the Amazon.com page for Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream – “the most widely used pepper spray in law enforcement and corrections”.

Here is one of the recently-added testimonials for the product:

Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology’s superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn’t stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.

This guy wasn’t satisfied, and with a good reason:

I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of non-violent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day they multiplied exponentially! Now what?

And it goes on, and on, and on – 244 reviews and counting.

This pepper spray is awesome! When used in a public area for the whole world to see, it causes Republicans to instantly forget the basic principles of freedom the country was founded upon. Their pea brains start creating hypocritical arguments supporting the oppressors like “the protesters are acting really mean by sitting on the grass”. They don’t realize how “mean” their beloved Founding Fathers were during their protests hundreds of years ago, or how “mean” the Civil Rights Movement was, or how “mean” the Vietnam War protests were, etc.

The product itself seems to be selling well – only six items left at the time of writing.

Noam Sheizaf

Noam Sheizaf is an independent journalist and editor. He was the founding executive director and editor-in-chief of +972 Magazine. Prior to joining +972, he worked for Tel Aviv’s Ha-ir local paper, Ynet, and the Maariv daily, where his last position was deputy editor of the weekend magazine. He is currently working on a number of documentary films.

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