‘Mr. Palestine, you’ll just have to wait your turn’

Ami Kaufman By Ami Kaufman May 9, 2013 | Edit

Every once in a while I get a comment on one of my posts along the lines of: ‘Why don’t you do anything about Syria, huh? If you’re such a human rights activist, why don’t you care about places where people are suffering much more right in your neighborhood? Huh??’ or ‘You know, the Arabs have it much better in Israel than anywhere else! They should count their blessings!’ 

And it makes me wonder…

'Mr. Palestine, you'll just have to wait your turn'
Settlers throw stones at Palestinians as IDF soldiers stand by in the West Bank village of Asira al Qibliya. April 30, 2013 (Oren Ziv/Activestills.org)

Ring, ring! Ring, ring!

Operator: Atrocities Unlimited, how can I help you?

Palestine: Hello, my name is Palestine.

Operator: Hello Mr. Palestine, what can I do for you?

Palestine: Yes, well, I understand you end atrocities and human rights violations.

Operator: That’s very true. Are you suffering from an atrocity or human rights violation, sir?

Palestine: Yes, I am. I have been under occupation for 46 years.

Operator: Occupation?

Palestine: Yes, occupation.

Operator: Sir, you do understand that we assist on a Worst Come, First Serve basis?

Palestine: Excuse me?

Operator: A Worst Come, First Serve basis.

Palestine: What does that mean?

Operator: It means we deal with the worst atrocity first. You are not the worst atrocity, sir.

Palestine: I didn’t say I was, but… but… I am suffering.

Operator: I’m sure you’re suffering but there are others out there who need our help before you, sir.

Palestine: But…

Operator: …and until then you just have to sit quiet and wait your turn. Will that be it, sir?

Palestine: But wait! OK, OK… so, tell me where I am in line… can you do that?

Operator: 31.

Palestine: 31?!?!? There are 31 peoples before me?

Operator: Yes, sir.

Palestine: But, what does that mean? How long do I have to wait?

Operator: That depends.

Palestine: On what?

Operator: Many things. For example, if there’s an international intervention in Syria, you might move up a space or two.

Palestine: A space or two?

Operator: Yes, sir.

Palestine: I don’t feel well. Who else is in front of me?

Operator: Well, according to my board here, there’s some rough stuff going down in Sudan, China, Mali, Myanmar and others, to name a few. But, it’s all pretty fluid.

Palestine: So… You can’t tackle more than one at a time? I have to wait?

Operator: I’m afraid so, sir.

Palestine: But I’ve been waiting so long.

Operator: Well, have you tried a change of tactics?

Palestine: I’ve tried everything.

Operator: Patience, sir. All I can say is: patience. And thank you for calling Atrocities Unlimited!

Ami Kaufman

Ami Kaufman was chief night editor for Haaretz, for the prominent Israeli financial daily Calcalist, and correspondent on Israeli affairs for 93.6 RAM FM, a joint Palestinian-Israel radio station. His interest in food and cooking led to culinary studies at the "Israeli CIA" (Tadmor, Herzliya) and a brief stint in the restaurant business. Born in Tel Aviv, Ami lives in Bat Yam with his wife and two daughters. In his spare time he blogs at Half & Half.

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