A new amusement park outside Tel Aviv celebrates the world of occupation, taking visitors through the wonders of apartheid and oppression, still ongoing just minutes away from the park.
After the huge success of his Mission to Israel tours (as seen in the ad above), where thousands of American Jews over the years tour the borders of Israel, meet Mossad agents, talk to Palestinian collaborators and walk the Hamas terrorist trail, Israeli entrepreneur Eli Soneh-Aravim has taken it up one level and opened the ultimate theme park for the American Zionist: OccupiedLand.
“The idea is for people to really feel how it is to oppress someone and not just fund and enable it for decades from abroad,” says Soneh-Aravim to +972. “The visitor becomes an apartheid activist for a day – it’s a feeling they’ll never forget,” he added.
The park map given at the entrance gives some information about the rides available to visitors:
It’s a Small Strip – Sing along to the classic tune “It’s a Small Strip After All” while on a delightful musical boat tour hosted by the children of Gaza. From a bombed dock, climb aboard a cozy boat and set sail along a 10-minute journey through mostly rubble, devastation and amputees.
Terrorists of the Tunnels – Probably one of the most beloved rides in OccupiedLand since it opened, ride through an open APC while surrounded by bloodthirsty Hamas terrorists. Escape through the maze of tunnels – but beware: there may be surprises around each corner! Careful not to bump into any goats being smuggled from Egypt!
The IDF Revenge – Dubbed the “scariest ride in the world”, riders on this mechanism are put in a red circle on the ground on their backs, as an F-16 flies over and drops 2 one-tonne bombs on them. Not for the faint of heart.
The Bibi Pendulum – Subjecting riders to various levels of angular momentum, this ride takes you all the way up to the sky high (and barely visible) two state solution and just seconds later swings violently towards an announcement on new settlements in the West Bank. Guaranteed to make your stomach churn!
Peace Process Carousel – Kids will love this classic. Sit on top of famous U.S. secretaries of state and Middle East envoys throughout the years and just keep going in circles! Forever! (Caution, this ride goes on for at least 20 years).
Skunk Express – Set in authentic West Bank surroundings, this little kiddie ride lets toddlers spray filthy water on anything that moves or dares to think they have the right to protest for civil rights. Great way to educate kids for the future!
The Settlement Log Ride – Just like a real settlement, this log ride has more fresh water in it than all the Palestinian cities in the West Bank – combined!
Apartheid Cars – Not your regular bumper cars: In OccupiedLand they’re for Jews only, and there’s a separate line with real live Palestinians who never get on! They just stand there! Looking at you!
The AIPAC Tea Party – Sit down on any one of these blue and white colored tea cups, then spin the center disks with pictures of Congressman and give it a whirl to make your U.S. politician spin a little faster! You control everything! (Ride is suitable for any Jew – from Liberal Zionists to Kahanists.)
Checkpoint Choo-Choo – Get on this train that stops every 4 seconds at a checkpoint for 5 hours. Your kids will never stop crying! (Expectant mothers are allowed to ride and give birth on train during the wait).
Tear Gas Terror – Just like your favorite sitting duck stall at the fair, shoot American made tear gas canisters straight at protesting Palestinians. A direct hit gets you impunity and an authentic “cleared by IDF internal investigation” certificate.
