Anonymous sources in the Obama administration have told +972 magazine they have no clue how to respond to Defense Minister Ya’alon’s remarks about Secretary of State Kerry. (Satire)
President Obama and Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu at Ben-Gurion airport (photo: Avi Ochayon / Government Press Office)
WASHINGTON — One day after Israeli Defense Minister Moshe (Bogie) Ya’alon said that Secretary John Kerry is “messianic and obsessed,” sources in the U.S. administration told +972 Magazine they “did not see THAT coming. Whoa.”
The source said that until now, Israel had always known its place on the totem pole. “They basically owe their existence to us, so that’s why they’ve always done what we’ve asked them to.”
“For example,” a senior White House staffer explained, “when we told them to stop building in the West Bank, they immediately brought the construction to a halt. To my recollection, this is the first time Israel has bitten the hand that feeds it. And that’s a no-no. We won’t take that sitting down. Nuh-uh.”
Another source said that, “seeing as how the relations between President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu have always been so great, we’re surprised to suddenly see this attitude from Jerusalem. I mean, everything up until now has shown that Israel knows who’s running the show around here.”
Indeed, looking back at the relations between the two countries, Israel has over the years always shown the utmost respect and compliance with its “big brother” from the West.
Another senior administration in the Oval Office said that relations had grown even closer recently during efforts to curb Iran’s nuclear program. “I mean, we were totally in sync with these guys – what the fuck happened?” he asked.
Our team has been devastated by the horrific events of this latest war – the atrocities committed by Hamas in Israel and the massive retaliatory Israeli attacks on Gaza. Our hearts are with all the people and communities facing violence.
We are in an extraordinarily dangerous era in Israel-Palestine. The bloodshed unleashed by these events has reached extreme levels of brutality and threatens to engulf the entire region. Hamas’ murderous assault in southern Israel has devastated and shocked the country to its core. Israel’s retaliatory bombing of Gaza is wreaking destruction on the already besieged strip and killing a ballooning number of civilians. Emboldened settlers in the West Bank, backed by the army, are seizing the opportunity to escalate their attacks on Palestinians.
This escalation has a very clear context, one that +972 has spent the past 13 years covering: Israeli society’s growing racism and militarism, the entrenched occupation, and an increasingly normalized siege on Gaza.
We are well positioned to cover this perilous moment – but we need your help to do it. This terrible period will challenge the humanity of all of those working for a better future in this land. Palestinians and Israelis are already organizing and strategizing to put up the fight of their lives.
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